Minneapolis–They are saying hindsight is 20/20, so this week, the Twins are actually pitching with yesterday’s stars. Nicely, perhaps not stars, however no less than they’re useful arms. In a transfer half company wellness, half time-travel experiment, Minnesota right this moment unveiled “Heritage Rotation Week,” a daring plan to deploy solely members of the 2012 beginning employees for the following collection. Why? As a result of the Twins rotation has been buzzing alongside, and it’s time to throw the opposition a bone. Who higher to show it than Francisco Liriano, Nick Blackburn, Scott Diamond and Cole De Vries?
“We checked out our damage studies and thought, ‘What if everybody merely stopped throwing for per week?’” mentioned Twins president Derek Falvey, pausing for dramatic impact. “Then we realized: why cease after we can rewind? These guys had been completely sufficient, and nobody may have up to date scouting studies on them.”
Ceremonial opener Diamond, who was identified for some quirky conduct, will now hurl the primary three innings.
“It’s like stepping right into a time machine,” Diamond chuckled. “Solely this one smells faintly of the burnt nacho cheese. I’m right here to set a tone—largely by reminding our fashionable arms that pizza after a flight to Cleveland is a superbly acceptable dinner.”
Francisco Liriano, who as soon as clocked triple-digit fastballs after which… didn’t, is again to “rediscover the enjoyment.”
“I miss the times when my slider was sharper than my razor,” he quipped, finger-wagging at an imaginary batter. “Plus, free old-school clubhouse tunes. ‘Name Me Perhaps’ is on heavy rotation.”
Nick Blackburn, the oft-memed “Blackburn’d,” hasn’t forgotten the 2012 heartbreak.
“I’ll be high-quality,” he insisted. “It’s not each week I get to remind Twitter what ‘4.88 ERA’ appears like dwell. Apart from, the analytics staff insists I’m an ideal ‘matchup begin.’ I nonetheless don’t know what meaning, nevertheless it sounds necessary.”
Cole De Vries, whose declare to fame is the worst WAR ever for an Eden Prairie Excessive Faculty graduate (-0.1 WAR) and a profession excessive in sizzling canines consumed, is thrilled to be again in a starter’s position, if solely briefly.
“They requested me to heat up. I assumed, ‘Do they need the new canines?’” De Vries mentioned. “Seems, it was innings.”
In the meantime, the present rotation (together with Pablo López, Bailey Ober, Joe Ryan and firm) will take pleasure in an unscheduled “wellness week.” López, pacing with a Theragun in a single hand, sighed:
“Thought I’d lastly face a division rival. As an alternative, I’m gazing my ceiling, considering a Zoom Pilates class. My shoulder’s by no means been happier.”
Twins supervisor Rocco Baldelli says Heritage Week is as a lot philosophy as technique.
“We’re honoring our previous whereas preserving our future. These veterans will pitch, sure, however extra importantly, they’ll mentor by way of osmosis. If Pablo picks up a trick from Nick Blackburn about ‘how not to surrender a Third-inning bomb,’ that’s synergy.”
Baldelli laughed when pressed on potential drawbacks—say, opponents finding out 2012 movie and discovering that Blackburn’s changeup was straight-out schlepped.
“Baseball’s the last word rematch. Everyone knows Nick’s off-speed stuff, however do the youngsters? It’s like dropping Beethoven on a TikTok remix: traditional, however complicated.”
Falvey insists the transfer isn’t only for laughs.
“We ran simulations,” he defined, sipping espresso from a fading espresso mug with the 2012 London Olympics emblem. “Seems pitching each fifth day can boil your arm sooner than a July porch celebration. This rotation is an R&D venture. If it really works, we would do ‘Heritage Third Base Week’ subsequent, with Corey Koskie and Nick Punto.”
Jeremy Zoll interjected: “And if it fails, we’ve obtained social-media gold for days. #ThrowbackTwins.”
Adore it or detest it, Heritage Rotation Week is upon us. If these 2012 starters can maintain the ship afloat, the Twins may have achieved the last word feat: a 162-game season that appears like one superb, barely grayer throwback. And in the event that they falter… properly, no less than we’ll get loads of tweets about it. (In 2012, we nonetheless referred to as them that.)
